My Personal Transformation Story

About five years ago, I picked up a book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk — and when I told my children what I was reading, they looked at me and said, "Yeah, Mom. You need that. Because you don't listen."

I was shocked. Absolutely shocked. I thought I was a pretty good parent. I was working hard for my kids — we had routines, structure, love. Among my friends, I was actually known as a great listener. And yet here were my own children telling me I didn't listen. It wasn't that I felt the disconnect — they were feeling it and naming it. I just hadn't been able to see it. It wasn't until coaching that I began to truly understand what connection with your children feels like — and how central it is to everything.

And then something else caught my attention entirely — something I couldn't ignore. My strong-willed 7-year-old, who seemed confident on the outside, had begun to show a surprisingly low view of himself. I didn't know if something in our parenting was leading him there, but I wanted to find out. At the time, I believed it was a parent's role to break a child's will through consequences and punishment until they learned to obey. That's what I had been taught. That's what I knew. But it wasn't working — instead of obedience, I was caught in more power struggles, and his view of himself only seemed to be getting worse. That was what terrified me.

So I began to pray. I kept asking God: I need help with these kids. Something is not right. And through what I can only describe as divine intervention, I was connected to a parent coach from the Jai Institute for Parenting — and what followed transformed our lives completely.

Coaching opened up layer after layer of revelation. I learned the profound importance of being fully present with my children — and discovered that presence isn't just an emotional gift; it has real implications for how their brains develop and wire. I also began to see my own generational patterns with new clarity — the fears and stresses stored in my body, the instincts that felt completely natural but were quietly driving disconnection in my home. The yelling, the shaming, the blaming — I hadn't consciously chosen those things. They had been handed down to me, and I had never stopped to examine them.

I also learned that so much of my frustration came from expecting things of my children that simply didn't match where their brains were developmentally. That realization alone changed so much. And when I began to understand my own nervous system — my triggers, what regulated me, what dysregulated me — and then to understand the same in my children, I finally had real tools for real change.

I learned new ways of communicating — ways that leaned away from blame and shame and toward grace, compassion, and mutual understanding. Ways that also teach my children to become aware of their own feelings and needs, and to advocate for themselves.

My relationship with my children is so much richer now. For most of them, the transformation has been profound — they feel more seen, more understood, and in turn, they trust me. We cooperate and problem solve together. They feel empowered and have agency. They communicate their needs and desires, and we communicate ours. And we make decisions that are in line with our family's values and priorities. Each relationship is on its own journey — and that is part of the beauty of this work. It meets every child, and every parent, exactly where they are.

Yes, parenting is still hard — that's the nature of the job. But I have more peace, and experience more cooperation and joy. We are constantly working on loving one another well, meeting each other's needs, and showing up with grace and curiosity. It is a constant work in progress.

As for my older son, he is still strong-willed — and I thank God for it now. What I once saw as something to be managed, I have come to understand as a gift he was given on purpose, for a purpose. Alongside that strength, he has become deeply empathetic, genuinely cooperative, and remarkably self-aware — a reflection, I believe, of what becomes possible when a parent does that work in themselves first. He advocates for himself with confidence and communicates his needs clearly. He is not a different child. He is the fullest version of who he always was. He leads with both conviction and compassion. I am so grateful.

One thing I feel deeply is how much I wish I had known all of this sooner — when my children were younger. Those earliest years lay so much of the foundation for everything that follows. And if you are in that season right now, with young children, I want you to know: this is the most powerful time to begin. But I am also grateful to have learned about neuroplasticity — the brain's remarkable ability to adapt, change, and rewire at any age. It means that repair is always possible. The work I am still doing with my own older children, day after day, is proof of that. Whether your children are young or older, it is never too late to make a shift that changes the trajectory of your family.

Having lived this transformation myself, I feel called to walk alongside other parents on the same journey. There is no parenting rule book — but there is information. Just as science helps us care for our bodies, it also helps us understand how our children are wired and how to parent in ways that align with that — with how God created us. I want to help parents access that knowledge, so they can respond with intention rather than react from habit.

A Client's Words

"You have the ability to take words off the page and put them right in front of me — not in a forceful way, but in an enlightening way. The way you delivered the information was so personalized. I saw myself in it because you didn't allow it to go over my head. You met me where I was. Our sessions always allowed me to see myself in a way I had not seen before. My life is forever changed. As a mother, this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted it, I needed it, and the way you delivered it was exactly the way I needed it to be delivered. You gave me words."

— Common Grace Client